Ten years old, you were a flower in that town, young boys chasing you, folks holding you up, your life was like the red jacket you always wore in your body, gorgeous, warm. Your life is full of flowers, all that a girl of that age wishes to have, you seem to have it all. You are so happy, so proud, singing with bubbles of happiness, dancing with the energy of young girls.Jinsheng and Liangzi are also two very important people in your life. They are with you day by day, a low silence, always treat you so gentle and generous; a warm and generous, but only to you extra nervous. Two people together, which is indispensable to you. You are used to such a stable triangular structure, carefree, like a child who does not know the world.
Finally, one day, they turn against each other and ask you to choose. For the first time in your life, you are faced with a major decision. You stand on the city tower, looking at the sea of people beneath you, and realize that the moment you choose one of them is the moment you lose the other one forever. You look so grave, I know, perhaps for the first time you began to face the inescapable parting of life.
The first thing you want to do is to see him off, you want to keep him, after all, he is an indispensable presence in your life. But you also know that from the moment you made the decision, you are ready to give up on him. You can’t stop him, you can’t comfort him, you have to let him go, watch him take up the key and throw it to the roof, watch his determined back silently weep.
You know that one of the most important friends in your life has left you. Even the so-called goodbye was accepted by you without preparation. You didn’t even hear a formal goodbye and the person was gone. All you could do was climb up to the roof after he left and find the set of keys. The only thing we know is that Zhang Jinsheng won’t help you in such a matter, and your father won’t help you, so you can only search for it yourself with tears in your eyes.
From then on, you and Liang Zi embarked on a different path. You chose Zhang Jinsheng to live a rich and abundant life, and soon gave birth to a boy. The money-loving Zhang Jinsheng named him to Le, hoping he would bring more wealth to him.
At the age of thirty, Zhang Jinsheng and you divorced and took the child away to Shanghai. Yes, such a separation seemed inevitable. He had high ambitions, how could he bear to live in Fenyang for the rest of his life? You, on the other hand, wanted stability and did not like to move. Not only that, there can only be one singer in a marriage. Before the marriage, Zhang Jinsheng was willing to be a quiet audience in order to please you, but after the marriage? He is nervous about you everywhere, and also restrain you everywhere. Your marriage is not destined to be in harmony, but to fall apart.
I don’t know how you carried through the time when you lost your husband and children, we didn’t have the opportunity to see your helplessness and misery, and the director couldn’t bear to tell you about this period. And when we saw you again, it was already many years later, when Liangzi returned to her hometown and you appeared to us as a strong woman.
It looks like you have a successful and respectable career, and you are still as graceful as ever. You have a lot of wealth, live in a very big house and have your own car. When you heard that Liang was sick, you gave him a large sum of money without saying a word. You look at each other without words, years of friendship with a few pleasantries ended hastily. You saw from him the wedding invitations you had sent, still in bright red and festive colors, all the things from yesterday were still vividly in sight, but it was like a lifetime ago. The love and hate that used to torment you, now seems to have become the wedding invitations on the smear of dust, insignificant.
You knocked the wedding invitation on the wall and slapped off the dust – just like slapping off the past – and silently put it into the bag. All these years, I wonder if you have ever regretted. That year for another person, with this person did not even have the opportunity to say goodbye properly, and now see each other, but also choked. You may regret the decades of separation from him, for you, he chose another more winding road, but you did not get real happiness.
The first thing you need to do is to get a good idea of what you want to do. The old school friend of my father’s birthday, you sent him to the station, hoping that he would be happy to see his old friend. You call him, but you can’t get through, you can’t get through, you don’t know that the call is not only geographical, but also life and death.
Another parting. You sent Le back to Shanghai. In any case, you no longer want to repeat the previous mistakes, you must be good and to Le to say goodbye. You chose the slow train, along the way you gave him to listen to Ye Qianwen’s “Precious”, but unfortunately he did not understand the lyrics of this deep love. When he took off the headphones, Cynthia Yip was singing hard, “I can’t bear to lose you, I hope that things can always turn around”…
The station of the transfer is the station where the father left. The painful feeling came again unawares. You sit quietly in the waiting room, eyes closed and weeping, to Le just look at you incomprehensibly. At that time, you should want time to stand still, hoping that the train to Le will never arrive, hoping that Le will always be by your side. But you know soberly that you can’t give to Le a better life. Perhaps the most painful thing in the world is this sober powerlessness. You can’t give him your love, you can only give him the keys to the house and tell him you can come back anytime.
You keep in the same place, like keeping the faith, even in two places in life also waiting for you. At the age of fifty, your child says he has forgotten his mother’s name. Forget what his mother looks like. He can only open his arms, embrace the raging waves in front of him, and then softly call out the word “Tao”. And on the other side of the ocean, you are alone in a large and empty room wrapping dumplings by yourself.
The teacher told Zaile that being attached is the most painful part of love. She thought to Le did not understand, but in fact she also did not understand, the most unrequited page in life is often hidden the deepest, and how can easily tell. However, you find that your life is filled with partings everywhere. It seems that life is born to learn to part and then learn to be strong.
Do you cry? No, you don’t. You close your eyes and the corners of your mouth rise, because at this moment, you live thirty years ago, your world, except for music and dance, nothing else, can no longer remember.
